Clubhouse Tailgate Philosophy


Football games are the best occasions for Tailgates. Unfortunately, football season does not last very long. Other acceptable occasions for Tailgating are basketball tournaments, automobile races, baseball games, hockey matches, golf tournaments, tennis matches, soccer matches, horse races, rodeos, wrestling exhibitions, badminton matches, croquet tournaments, triathlons, swimming meets, poker games, squash matches, dog shows, demolition derbies, hunting season, cricket matches, bicycle tours, Olympiads, women’s mud and oil wrestling, Armistice Day, theatric premieres, building demolitions, concerts, the annual Turbeville Cantaloupe Festival, presidential inaugurations, gubernatorial inaugurations, mayoral inaugurations, county clerk inaugurations, book signings, multi-car pileups, graduations, church services, zoo openings, overthrow of the government, weddings, funerals, art shows, Flag Day, the Cannes Film Festival, bombings of foreign countries, collapse of the social order, hurricanes, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, the discovery of a parallel universe, sunrises and sunsets, Virginia Tech joining the ACC, anniversaries of Virginia Tech joining the ACC and any other reason anybody can come up with.

A lower life form must have given its life so that those attending the Tailgate might eat. This can include, but is not limited to, beef, pork, poultry, fish, venison, bison, rabbit, lamb, shellfish, bear, ostrich, alligator, kangaroo, frog, turtle, llama, yak, rattlesnake, monkey, emu, zebra, lion, eel, rhea, giraffe, wildebeest and anything else that flies, swims, crawls, gallops or lopes, except for octopus, because Clota doesn‟t like it. Endangered species are particularly tasty.

While alcohol is not necessarily a Tailgate requirement, I can’t think of any reason why it shouldn’t be. This is a Tailgate, not a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Women are welcome at the Tailgate, especially attractive ones. The policy towards wives is that no one should bring an ex-one, particularly if she had an abiding hatred for football. The policy towards ex-husbands is still evolving, to be determined after we accumulate a few more.

All are welcome at the Tailgate. This policy applies to fans of opponents, with the exception of asshole Pitt ones who will deface the Clubhouse.

Post-game Tailgates are much better following Tech wins, but, what the hell, there is still food and drink to be consumed.